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Lambert Sez: Further Reading
8:28 pm - Friday, Jun. 26, 2009
Good god, today is fucking epic.
Michelle Glawson says:
better than yesterday for me? My aunt died, and so did farrah faucet and Michael Jackson?
" Zygote Impersonator says:
Not on the depression factor, no.
On the strangely positive.
Michelle Glawson says:
oh that is?
" Zygote Impersonator says:
I hung out with a friend all night, was dazzled by his amazing fucking talent. Stayed awake. Spent hours tooling away on the best piece of writing I've ever done. This isn't the real kicker.
Michelle Glawson says:
that is?
" Zygote Impersonator says:
The real prize was having my voice of reason confirmed. I am, I found, not goddamn alone -- not just crazy.
Michelle Glawson says:
very awesome
" Zygote Impersonator says:
Some fundamental shit that bothers me was finally echoed.
We're talking years of forced denial, shunning, you name it.
I've spent about an hour crying my face off, adjusting to the sheer shock.
I finally met one of the people I've been trying to find.
Michelle Glawson says:
Awesome
" Zygote Impersonator says:
I am not fucking alone.
Michelle Glawson says:
No you arent
" Zygote Impersonator says:
It's so earth-shattering.. just to have one person tell me that I'm not a kook.
Just one.
My mom still aims to shoot me down.
Michelle Glawson says:
I told you that you wherent for years
" Zygote Impersonator says:
Not like this
This was like finding a sort of twin.
A lost one.
For whatever reason, this really hit me this time.
Maybe it's been too long since you and I really bared our souls and checked our levels.
I think it's a fucking amazing feeling.
It's better than sleep-dep.
I have a million analogies, none fit.
It's like this: this other girl is mirroring my feelings on a whole lot of stuff that haunts me.
Michelle Glawson says:
i am glad you have this outlet now
" Zygote Impersonator says:
I have plans for it
Not just the girl.
I think this needs to spread a little.
Be it my writing, whatever else I do. I intend to send a fucking beacon up.
Michelle Glawson says:
do what you must
" Zygote Impersonator says:
If I can muster the balls, I will never bow to those other peoples' hive-mind mind games ever again.
I finally know that I'm not a freak.
Michelle Glawson says:
" Zygote Impersonator says:
I will learn to channel it to people who don't tune me out.
I want to focus on my other lost friends.
Michelle Glawson says:
very cool
" Zygote Impersonator says:
I think we of the unconventional need to bloody well band together.
Michelle Glawson says:
hehe agreed
" Zygote Impersonator says:
Instead of fighting ignorance and apathy.. well, the way I approach it.. I will abandon my inclusion of them in to my real self.. and show it to the people who have brains -- and want to use them.
Fuck it. If people don't want to hear, I'll find the ones who do, and make them laugh their asses off, or find solace in the comfort of the truth.
Michelle Glawson says:
exactly
" Zygote Impersonator says:
I think I need to vow not to waste my efforts on anyone who dismisses me. I think I need to stop trying to prove myself, when there are people who desperately want their core feeling to be confirmed.
Michelle Glawson says:
exactly
" Zygote Impersonator says:
I'm not going to apologize for who, or what I am. I'm going to let it all hang out; why hide? I am me, and I can't avoid myself.
I'll let others do that for me.
Michelle Glawson says:
y
" Zygote Impersonator says:
Why? Because I am not a mental defect. I am a goddamn curious mofo, and I won'
t let others damper it.
I have a perfectly good head, and I intend to fucking use it. I'm sick of letting others tell me that they want me to change for their whims. If they don't like who I am now, they can find someone else to mold.
Michelle Glawson says:
yep
" Zygote Impersonator says:
I'm not going to take this anymore/
I'm not clay; I'm a goddamn human being.
Michelle Glawson says:
You dont have to tell me that babe
" Zygote Impersonator says:
I
I'm ranting because I'm suddenly very angry now.
I've spent the last couple of months as a quivering pile of social ineptitudes.
I'm pretty much constantly told that I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not old enough, not mature enough, not "the old me" enough to warrant support or affirmation.
I get this from real life people, mostly; friends and family.
My real life friends ignore me. My family shuns me, or points out that I
m not like them -- then tells me I'm normal enough to get a job, when they can't stand me enough to live with me in decency.
It is building to an explosion.
Do you feel like this? You have an explosion of talent in you, but no one gives a rat's ass? You beg for aid/minor praise to keep you afloat -- but, but, but.. whoever you're around has no creative inclinations, and therefore, no appreciation?
Your shit gets better, but the audience thins as you age, sparking a wild desire for anyone to tell you what they actually, really think?
Michelle Glawson says:
Yes i do
Dinobird (c) KMW/ML
Circa 2005
Lambert Reads
The Sneeze
Rick Mercer
Ravenblog
Concern
Maddox
Vonnegut's Asshole
Matthew Good
You Missed:
Further Reading - Friday, Jun. 26, 2009
I am so shell-shocked - Friday, Jun. 26, 2009
Professional Amusement-Maker - Thursday, Jun. 25, 2009
Failed Attempt - Monday, Jun. 22, 2009
I's Back - Monday, Jun. 22, 2009