Monkey generation.

Neko was thinking about coming over this weekend to watch lesbian and Korean movies with me. Unfortunately, she was grounded so she couldn't come. Hickey's out on a trip, so she was a no, too.

About Cyn: he doesn't give a shit anymore. He's supposedly gone back to the apathy of old. He doesn't want to answer my simple questions and doesn't want to assuage my fears that the friendship we had is at an end. With almost a decade of friendship under our belts, you'd think that he'd be willing to mollify me. He doesn't really care if I talk to him or not. He's content to live life with or without me in his life. I don't care if he's my ex or not.. I just always thought that our friendship meant more to him than this. I've decided to leave him alone from now on, or, at least, until I've forgotten about this whole mess.

I think I pissed Dyl off. He was being a crankypants pain in the ass, and I told him so, and told him that I planned to leave him alone. He was like, "Fine, good". To which, I replied, "Fuck you too, sunshine." From here, basically he threatened to be a douche to me the next time I have a bad day. It makes me think of when we first met, how hostile he was and how ready I was to handle it. Fine, pose a challenge. Give me a fight to look forwards to. I haven't had a good fight in far too long. As you all can imagine, I'm leaving Dyl the fuck alone for a while too. I'm sure that it was just his changed sleep pattern causing him to be such a dick to me.. but I can't help but be mad at the guy.

Last night, after the whole Cyn thing, Frenchie decided to come comfort me. She brought her boyfriend with her. She came a little while after Pi left. I had been talking to Lev just before; it seems like this had been the most that I've said to the guy in ages. Maybe Lev's another one I ought to consider leaving alone? I don't think our friendship is strong enough to last without my attempts at upkeep. I have no really close friends, no one I tell my innermost fears and secrets to. I keep things to myself because no one really wants to know those things.. and it seems like the ones who do want to use it all against me.

Anyway, Frenchie.. we hung out for a while. We went for a walk at first, but soon turned back to hang out at my house. I showed them this card I made for Pi, it says "don't die before i do" with cutout magazine letters. I drew a human heart and put it in the middle, and made a funky background. It looks good. I also showed her a strip of Who's Stalking Shirley?, the one with the schizophrenia question (which no one wants to answer). She chuckled a little. Pi says that I'm pretty blunt with those comics.

Anyway, today I talked to Mom. She'd been talking to Linda, this lady who used to work with mentally ill people. She knew some lady with SPD; Linda's advice to me was to sit down during random parts of the day and record how I feel. She thinks that the meds are right, but the dosage isn't. But.. I've sort of already gotten the confirmation from Dr. M that it can't be the dosage. My dosage is weight-based or something like that. I see Dr. Y on Wednesday, so then I get to find out if all these behavioural misadventures are just because my b12 is out of whack or something equally simplistically silly like that. If not, I ask him to hook me up with a councellor.. then I get to go through the fun of explaining my complicated sex life and my childhood abuses.

The main thing Mom wanted to talk to me about was that Linda had suggested getting me papers for disability pay. Basically, all I have to do is fill them out and see a doctor, then I get to wait around and see if the government thinks I'm qualified. Linda estimated that I'd get $600 a month.. well, that's better than the $200 Welfare would have brought me. Pi thinks that Dad would still have to pay me my child support even with this disability pay. Caesar's getting the papers soon, so one Thursday soon, I might be working on some papers.

I'm eating Pi's special meatballs. They come in a grape jelly/chili sauce sauce. Sounds gross, but it's pretty damn good.

I guess I'll go watch some lesbianauge now, before I work on another Shirley comic.